Comments on: Before and After Screenshot: Copywriting

By: Ruby Jones

Ruby Jones — Fri, 07 May 2010 00:41:50 +0000

Copywriting is also a skill that takes years of practice to become very effective in advertising what you are selling and “”`

By: Brian Armstrong

Brian Armstrong — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 20:29:26 +0000

Agreed Greg!

By: Brian Armstrong

Brian Armstrong — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 20:29:07 +0000

Good variation :) Thanks for stopping by the site John. I saw you guys did an interview with Charlie Hoehm recently. I started following his stuff recently too!

By: Greg Moreno

Greg Moreno — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 20:10:23 +0000

Writing requires more brainpower than coding :)

I go for specific benefits as headlines. So, my vote is on “Save Money”. “Better value” is generic imo.

By: John Bardos - JetSetCitizen

John Bardos - JetSetCitizen — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 17:33:18 +0000

Hi Brian,

It is great to see real examples to compare.

I agree that everyone is getting sick of those long sales pages with all the testimonials. I can’t believe that anyone buys from pages like that.

Great copy writing truly is an art!

I am no copywriter but if I were to take a quick stab at your example, I would shorten it a little more and put the key points in the beginning.

Better Value!
There are NO commissions! Tutors keep 100% and you pay less! Competitors take 50%, that is NOT fair. Everybody WINS with UniversityTutor.com!

By: Brian Armstrong

Brian Armstrong — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 16:08:08 +0000

I like it Eric…sounds a lot better!

You just reminded me of something too – I find reading it out loud helps. I’ll hear something out loud that sounds weird sometimes but looks fine on paper.

EasyBroker is coming along nicely.

By: Gordie | LifestyleDesign4U.com

Gordie | LifestyleDesign4U.com — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 09:13:56 +0000

I freakin’ hate those long, long, long sales pages where they have tons of red and blue text, highlighted text, hundreds of testimonials, etc. They look so tacky and seem like crapola even if they’re true.

I’ll trust a review over a sales page any day, especially a BuyersVote.com review. ;)

By: Eric Northam

Eric Northam — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 01:41:10 +0000

Nice timing. I just coincidentally rewrote the copy for the introductory paragraph on our home page at EasyBroker.

Here is the before

–
Manage your properties, contacts, leads, and website. Improve your customer service. Market your sale, rental, and vacation rental properties. EasyBroker is an all-in-one real estate software solution that helps you run your business.

Try EasyBroker now and start earning more by saving time and focusing on your business.
–

And the after

–
Tired of complicated and expensive real estate software? EasyBroker is the affordable and easy real estate software solution for managing leads, listings and your website. Get started in minutes and discover the easy way to manage your real estate business.
–

I think the first take is trying to accomplish too much. The second focuses on one point which I see as our key benefit: EasyBroker is the easy and affordable solution. It also is more dramatic and shorter.

I’m fairly new to writing copy also and was surprised at how interesting and challenging it can be to come up something compelling. Good copy also goes a long way to supporting word of mouth marketing. I’m sure a new client is more likely to say that we’re the easy solution if the client reads it once or twice and discovers that it is actually easy-to-use.

Eric