How To Stop Letting Little Things In Life Piss You Off

In: Advice| Lifestyle By: Brian Armstrong

8 Jan 2008

Have you ever seen someone complain about a parking ticket as if it’s the end of the world?

Have you been cut off in traffic and let it ruin your whole day?

How many times have you let your experience at the airport (crying baby, delayed flight, missing luggage) be the first thing you bring up in conversations with friends?

I want you to repeat after me: “these things happen”.

We all have these types of events come up in life, but successful people just go on as if nothing has happened, and unsuccessful people let it derail them.

The next time you feel a surge of anger coming on over an insignificant event in your life, go over these points in your head:

You look like an idiot
There is no polite way to put this. When others around you see you COMPLETELY lose it over the dent in your car door, they aren’t feeling sorry for you and wondering how they can help. They are subconsciously judging you and coming to one inescapable conclusion: you aren’t in control of your life.

If something this small throws you off, imagine how you’d react to a REAL problem in life. Overreacting tells the people around you that you can’t be trusted to deal with important issues. You’re not the goto guy (or gal) when they’re in need, because you can’t even take care of yourself.

The only person you’re hurting is yourself
Did you ever realize that when you get upset at someone who cuts you off in traffic, they generally never even know? Usually they speed off never the wiser to your insults and gestures. By getting angry, you’re doing zero harm to them while simultaneously hurting yourself even more. That doesn’t make much sense, and is a waste of your precious time and energy.

Now heres the zinger. What if that person purposely WANTED to upset you (they have some subconscious need to pick on others, they’re parents didn’t love them enough, etc)? Well then they are getting the exact reaction they wanted, and you’re playing right into they hands.

If you really want to mess with someone who flips you off in traffic, try smiling and waving back, and watch the confused look on their face. With time, you can even learn to appreciate and love these people (bizarre I know) for the important role they serve in life: helping to remind you how NOT to live. Don’t judge them, they are just at a different point in understanding life.
Find something to be grateful about
So you’re sitting there in rush hour traffic about ready to tear your hair out. Train yourself to go right into gratitude, and start listing what you’re grateful for and what good can come from this situation.

Maybe its the perfect time to make a phone call to a loved one you’ve been putting off. Maybe you can get some “reading” done on that audio book you’re listening to and be grateful for the chance to learn something new. Maybe its just a chance to put things in perspective and marvel at how far technology has come. After all, primitive mankind would have had to walk this distance. You get to SIT in an air conditioned chair barely pushing the accelerator.

There is something good in every situation, and you can find it. Even if its just that you’re grateful for the chance to practice being grateful.

Unsuccessful people are REACTIVE. They are a leaf blowing in the wind, the world is happening around them, and they are just trying to stay alive. When something bad happens, someone did it TO them and they take it personally. They get caught up in the victim mentality and take every opportunity to let people know it.

Successful people, on the other hand, are PROACTIVE. They make things happen in life and are on a mission. And by golly, they aren’t going to let some silly parking ticket take them off their mission. Instead, they say to themselves “these things happen” and move on to more important tasks.

68 Responses

Paul Nguyen

January 8th, 2008 at 7:06 am

Howdy!
I’ve been keeping track with your blog .Nice post.Thanks
Paul

Tom Volkar

January 9th, 2008 at 12:53 pm

Brian, reading about road rage made me laugh out loud because it made me recall an incident. About five years ago on a Sunday morning in May, I was singing at the top of lungs with the sunroof down. At a light a guy in a pumped up truck pulled up next to me and said. “Hey what’s the definition of an asshole?”

The type A Tom of old would have been out of the truck ready to fight. But I was feeling so good that I never even asked to hear his punch line. I just said, “Bless you brother” and pulled away laughing.

It’s nice to see that we do develop and grow; you’re right on with this post. Keep them coming.

Lucky

January 10th, 2008 at 6:46 pm

I thought you might like this little song about living your job. http://www.suckypoems.com/2008/01/10/american-tie/

Denver

January 14th, 2008 at 6:02 pm

Most of the bad driving behavior occurs 5 minutes after mass/church lets out. Quite sad.

Adonis

January 29th, 2008 at 6:55 pm

I read the title and felt compelled to enter my comments. Well I think being able to laugh at others is the first step in being able to laugh at yourself. If you have ever seen the episode of Seinfield where George’s dad attempts to sell pc’s from his garage and constantly speaks of the TERM “serenity now” that is just one example, then just put yourself in that situation, and every time you get mad think about something funny* when I am upset I say serenity now and I can’t help but to smile, thinking how anger, really does not resolve a thing. Ever !

Kelly

January 30th, 2008 at 1:07 pm

Nice article.

I know someone who does exactly this, gets upset over the littlest things.

Hope they enjoy it when I send it to them

Thanks!

Izabael DaJinn

February 2nd, 2008 at 5:20 am

I was really pissed off about this article until I read it!

;-)

kengkaj

February 3rd, 2008 at 1:03 pm

Good article. Thanks.

Dean

February 4th, 2008 at 1:41 am

Hi Brian,

I StumbledUpon this nice post. Glad I found it.

I’ve found that getting mad at people or situations that happen only make the situation worse.

I’ve recently read that people who do get angry, pissed off, mad, etc. actually have live a shorter life than people who are happy.

Have a great day.

Eric Svenningson

February 4th, 2008 at 11:53 pm

Who needs anger management when you have this article??

February 7th, 2008 at 12:30 am

“If something this small throws you off, imagine how you’d react to a REAL problem in life.”

I am a customer service trainer. I have been preaching this for many years now. “If you let an angry customer ruin your day…what are you going to do when something REALLY bad happens?”

WHITEPOWER

February 7th, 2008 at 3:39 am

Git ir Dunnnn

Chris Cade

February 12th, 2008 at 6:31 pm

“If you really want to mess with someone who flips you off in traffic, try smiling and waving back, and watch the confused look on their face.”

This is great advice that I’ve been doing for years ever since one of my previously frequent trips to traffic school. :)

It’s also proven to be very helpful if I accidentally upset somebody – perhaps changed lanes and cut them off when they were in a blind spot, etc.

I’ve found that even angry people find it very difficult to be mean to people who wave and smile… precisely because of what you’ve said: it goes against their desired reaction and de-enforces rather than re-enforces their intent.

Tom Volkar / Delightful Work

February 12th, 2008 at 6:43 pm

Yep Chris, the wave is always good. It throws them off, like you said.

Know any chronic complainers?

Here is a wonderful little trick for them. Just before they can open their mouths with their sorry update greet them warmly by name and say. “Hey Bill,
what’s right with you today?”

The look on their face will be priceless.

Brian Armstrong

February 13th, 2008 at 7:45 pm

Haha!

Didier Gutierrez

March 5th, 2008 at 2:55 am

Ha, ha, ha!

Lonnie

July 13th, 2008 at 4:46 pm

think it doesn’t happen? you my very well do it and don’t realize it…

Liz St. Clair

June 14th, 2008 at 2:00 am

That was a very well written article about anger. Your point about “these things happen” is very good. Being able to accept and deal with the “curve balls” in life, can mean the difference between living a long life or having a heart attack at an early age. No matter your profession, maintaining a mature, calm professional demeanor will always be a positive reflection on your business.

Brian Armstrong

June 14th, 2008 at 7:34 pm

Thanks Liz!

Charbel Jamous

July 23rd, 2008 at 5:11 pm

God, it’s so true. I loved this article. We should all learn the power of positive thinking.

Keep up!

Y.S. Sridutt

July 28th, 2008 at 4:31 am

Hey, Thanks a lot for the post on Smashing magazine site. I was generally browsing and clicked on the link for the eye tracking video. Thanks a lot for the post man. Owe you one.

Brian Armstrong

July 28th, 2008 at 5:10 pm

No prob, thanks for stopping by the site!

Barbara

August 13th, 2008 at 6:09 pm

Great unique post! It is true that at times we flip out over the smallest things. The worst part of it, is that it can be the icing on the cake and then people who don’t know everything that has been going on – think we are crazy! But, all in all it is good to know to compose ourselves and act as adults!

Barbara

Brian Armstrong

August 13th, 2008 at 11:19 pm

Well put Barbara, thanks for the kind words!

Miss C

January 11th, 2009 at 7:11 pm

Guilty as charged! This happened to me in front of a woman who loves to gossip and to find fault with other women. In one moment of justified frustration I gave her all the ammo she needed. I didn’t really lose much of my composure, but vicious people only need a tiny scrap to work with. It was a good lesson.

Love the post and everyone’s comments.

mike yuen ken paahana

October 7th, 2008 at 7:08 pm

thats what i tell my gf all the time but she make little things blow up into big things, so much drama she so insecure

Brian Armstrong

October 11th, 2008 at 2:42 pm

So why are you dating her Mike?

jackmo

October 19th, 2008 at 4:53 pm

overreacting tells people around you that you can’t be trusted to deal with the big issues – great point. I remember overreacting about a speeding ticket with my girlfriend in the car once just before we broke up.

Things would have been breaking down prior but this is a perfect example of having the wrong mindset.

cheers

Brian Armstrong

October 20th, 2008 at 3:12 pm

Good example…and great that you made the connection so you’ll know for next time! :) I’ve been there too.

DMRx

October 24th, 2008 at 2:43 am

Love this post. I just downloaded Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living on Sribd.com and then found this post which fits right with it.

A friend mentioned a mutual acquaintance being surprised that I don’t seem to hold grudges thereby assuming that I didn’t have any feelings! Huh?

Well my friend rightly explained that I’m too busy with my life to hold on to insults made by other people. Not to say I don’t ever get upset by small things but I try to get over them really quick and move on.

Brian Armstrong

October 24th, 2008 at 8:04 pm

Thats a great attitude, we should all be so mature!

mrdisagree

December 16th, 2008 at 2:27 am

this article is complete bullsh*t. do you mean to say that you can’t be BOTH successful AND lose it when some thoughtless idiot does something stupid like dents the car you’ve dreamt and worked so hard to attain? you might think its material (good on you for attaining zen), but you dont see that for some people these things mean more than the sum of their parts.

Daniel Massicotte

December 23rd, 2008 at 11:56 am

“The only person you’re hurting is yourself:” That’s the whole paradigm about getting angry (bad for the heart) and saying unkind things to people, or thinking about them (putting yourself in a bitter state).

Matthew

January 29th, 2009 at 12:03 am

What an inspiring article. It reminded me of a guy I know who gets depressed over little things like not getting the job he applied for and so on. I agree life is too short to let the little things make you miserable for a long time after. Like one of the comments said we all get ticked at something some times but the key is getting over it right away and moving on.

John H

February 8th, 2009 at 5:50 am

As part of on going self development I adopted as my new years resolution the mantra of “Dont let it piss you off” and apply it to everything!

Having done this for over a month which included stressfull activities such as fileing my annual tax return online – I have never had a greater sense of peace.

I do ask however “how do I replace to motivating aspect of anger”? Which can be a great spur to actioning a change for the better i.e. it is not always negative.

John

Brian Armstrong

February 11th, 2009 at 1:29 pm

Interesting question John. Anger can be motivating but I think it usually motivates me to do things which are a waste of time. Not sure if this is true for others, but for me I probably do better getting motivation from having a long term goal in mind – but just focusing on the single most important task at hand. It can be too daunting to think about a big goal, to the point that you never get started. But if you can work toward it in small steps and reward small accomplishments, that helps me.

Junior Ramsaroop (Guyana, South America)

April 1st, 2009 at 9:44 am

Now i must say thank you for this article and to all the persons that added posts simply wonderful all of you.

now i agree with the article. I think if people start looking at life differently they’ll just stop getting pissed so quickly and at everything.

i’ve had the unpleasant pleasure of loosing close ones and teaches you positive things if you allow yourself to learn from it…

every one says “live your life like everyday is going to be your last” but how many actully put that somewhat good thought into practice. if you really live like there is no tommorrow. you’ll see that every second counts… that time spent being mad at some idiot could have been spent saying somethings good to someone you love and even a stranger… when someone dies then we all say.. i should, wanted, and wish i could. stop!!! you have a chance now!! do it now… cause that time spent being pissed for nothing much could have been spent saying what could very well be your last set of words to someone you love…. and a smile can can change and entire situation… so you’re not garenteed tommorrow don’t waste the time you have now being pissed at something thats just simply not worth the time..

Brian Armstrong

April 6th, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Thanks for the comment Junior and stopping by!

the102

April 13th, 2009 at 9:17 pm

Hey brian,

Great site, great post!!!

It can be so easy to let little things in life piss us off and its always the case that the worse you are doing or the more unhappy you are in your own life … the easier it is to get pissed off at others!
Im speaking from very direct experience here, especially over the past 12 months where I seem to have lost my sense of humour with the world.
Some things that have helped me and continue to help me keep things on an even keel …
1 … Alcohol (Ha Ha, just kidding :)
2 … Regular exercise Just Do It!!
3 … Having structure in my life … using a daily planner and planning my days in advance has really helped me to be more productive and feel much better about making progress.
4 … Break your routine and try something new or something you havent done for a while … go to the movies, indoor rock climbing, spend a whole day walking along the beach or bush walking, get a massage, get a group together and go paintballing etc.
5 … Instead of frustration, get fascinated … one of my favourite authors, Jim Rohn says this … “Im sitting in traffic, I’ve got to be at an important meeting in 10 minutes, I’ve got 15 blocks to go and traffic is not moving one inch … how fascinating?”
Keep up the good work Brain!! Cheers

the102

April 13th, 2009 at 9:23 pm

Hey brian,

Great site, great post!!!

It can be so easy to let little things in life piss us off and it always seems the case that the more unhappy you are in your own life … the easier it is to get pissed off at others!
Im speaking from very direct experience here, especially over the past 12 months where I seem to have lost my sense of humour with the world.
Some things that have helped me and continue to help me keep things on an even keel …
1 … Alcohol (Ha Ha, just kidding :)
2 … Regular exercise Just Do It!!
3 … Having structure in my life … using a daily planner and planning my days in advance has really helped me to be more productive and feel much better about making progress.
4 … Break your routine and try something new or something you havent done for a while … go to the movies, indoor rock climbing, spend a whole day walking along the beach or bush walking, get a massage, get a group together and go paintballing etc.
5 … Instead of frustration, get fascinated … one of my favourite authors, Jim Rohn says this … “Im sitting in traffic, I’ve got to be at an important meeting in 10 minutes, I’ve got 15 blocks to go and traffic is not moving one inch … how fascinating?”
Keep up the good work Brain!! Cheers

Brian Armstrong

April 23rd, 2009 at 1:10 am

Thanks for the comment I can tell we think alike! And yes, alcohol helps me relax too :)

tessa

April 17th, 2009 at 12:00 pm

this really helped me.i have some of thes problems. im glad i found this site

Brian Armstrong

April 23rd, 2009 at 1:12 am

Welcome to the site Tessa and glad it helped!
Brian

A person you will never know....

May 9th, 2009 at 3:48 pm

……I am mad all of the time…Not because of dents in my car or something like that….But people…I Honestly can’t stand half of the people in my state…The one about cutting people off in traffic…That’s not so bad….I like what your doing trying to help people..It helped me some…Keep posting man…

Brian Armstrong

May 10th, 2009 at 5:54 am

Thanks and glad it helped! Don’t forget that you can always move – even if it would be difficult or inconvenient I bet you could find a way. If somethings wrong in your life, there is always a way to fix it.

Blogging Banks

June 29th, 2009 at 10:11 am

Brian,

Thanks for writing this post. I sometimes find myself reacting to stuff as opposed to being proactive, so I see I have a lot to learn.

Best Regards,

Blogging Banks

Brian Armstrong

July 3rd, 2009 at 7:42 pm

Thanks for stopping by!

wounded-doc

August 1st, 2009 at 11:23 am

Unsuccessful people are REACTIVE. They are a leaf blowing in the wind, the world is happening around them, and they are just trying to stay alive. When something bad happens, someone did it TO them and they take it personally. They get caught up in the victim mentality and take every opportunity to let people know it.

Successful people, on the other hand, are PROACTIVE. They make things happen in life and are on a mission. And by golly, they aren’t going to let some silly parking ticket take them off their mission. Instead, they say to themselves “these things happen” and move on to more important tasks.”

^^^ this helped me a lot!

Brian Armstrong

August 6th, 2009 at 4:26 pm

Glad it helped and welcome to the site!

coastaln8ive

September 8th, 2009 at 6:36 am

Brian, I am going through a tough time in my life that speaks to this exact issue. I am an angry person that allows the liar in my head to convince me I am a terrible person and I am deserving of the bad things that may happen as a result. The blog helps me put things into perspective and triggers me to move on and proactively make positive changes in my life. Thank you.

I have stumbled upon another site that speaks to what you have touched on. I hope it is helpful:

http://zenhabits.net/2008/02/20-things-i-wish-i-had-known-when-starting-out-in-life/

Coast.

Brian Armstrong

September 8th, 2009 at 4:42 pm

Hi Coast, glad it was helpful and you absolutely have the power to change anything you don’t like. Congrats for taking steps toward that. I also enjoy ZenHabits it’s a great blog. Thanks for the link!
Brian

Pablo

December 1st, 2009 at 12:15 pm

And….relax!

How very true and yet so easy to forget the points made!
I feel lots better now. Thanks for a good post…glad I read through it.

Brian Armstrong

December 1st, 2009 at 11:26 pm

Thanks Pablo :)

Angie

December 16th, 2009 at 5:37 pm

Thanks for the article. Just got me through a “meltdown over the small stuff” moment. I have clinical depression which is treated fairly successfully with medication (I’m not suicidal any more), but I still have times when I just lose it over stuff that in the grand scheme of things really don’t matter.

One thing that has really helped me is the first line of the book Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie: “Nothing is the end of the world, except the end of the world.”

Sometimes I have to remind myself of that many times a day, just to get through. But it works, and your article helped me too.

Thanks!

Brian Armstrong

December 16th, 2009 at 11:36 pm

Oh cool, I like that saying Angie. Welcome to the site!

I read somewhere else a phrase like that, which was “will it still matter in 5 years?”. If the answer is no then you’re probably spending too much time/energy worrying about it.

Take care!
Brian

Phoenix2Life

January 17th, 2010 at 5:03 pm

The first point is so right about how others see you reacting on small things. Also I have liked to keep gratefulness. It is so much important to control yourself in any case and living in moment to not to get frustrated for small things. Awesome points. Really like it. Thumbs up to you, Buddy !!!!

Eli

February 9th, 2010 at 10:28 am

My sister-in-law hurt me and now the hurt has turned to anger. She left a job for another better paying job and asked me if I wanted her to submit my resume for the job she left. I’ve been unemployed for over a year now so of course I said yes. I was so grateful for the opportunity. She came back to me a couple of days later and and told me she gave her supervisor the resume, told her about my professional experience and how I won’t have to be trained too much due to my experience, then she told me and I quote “but your personality”. I asked her “what do you mean?”. She told her Supervisor they my personality was not like hers. I asked her “why did you feel you need to say that, of course my personality is not like yours, we are two different people”. What were you trying to say. She said that there were elderly nuns there who like to be affectionate and come up to you and hug you..I said yeah and what you think I’m going to push them away. She said I was a bit abrupt sometimes. I’m only that way if someone brings it out in me and its mostly in my personal life. My professional life is another world separate from my personal. I’ve been nursing my family members for most of my adult life and I enjoy helping others. I even lent my sister-in-law $26,000 in the year 2002 when we purchased a multi-family home because her and her husband could not come up with their share.
I never heard from the job. I left her ex-supervisor a voice mail and she never returned my call. I recently sent the supervisor a letter to reiterate my interest in the position and another copy of my resume.

How could someone say they will help you and then sabotage you at the same time. I’ve prayed and I’ve talked to my husband to try to relieve myself from the hurt and anger I feel in my heart, but its there. I want to confront her but its been almost a month, so I feel its too late to bring up the issue again. I try to tell myself to feel sorry for people like that, but I still do not feel relief. What can I do to relieve myself of this burden?
I feel hurt and betrayed.

Poornima

February 15th, 2010 at 4:52 pm

Good post! I also find deep breathes help calm me down when life throws little stresses at me. Yoga is my salvation, and thinking that things could be worse (I could be be handicapped, poor, or have a life threatening disease), perspective bring peace. When all else fails I turn to chocolate for solace :)

Mathew Stark

March 11th, 2010 at 9:00 am

heh…i was actually searching for a post on how to get back at my sister for being…well to put it nicely mean, when i stumbled over this post. while reading this i’ve realized im one of those people who get mad at those little things that add up and make your day at work bad, not because its been a bad day, but because ive turned it into one. “these things happen”. best advice ive heard in a while. good on ya 10/10 post!

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How To Stop Letting Little Things In Life Piss You Off

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